How to deal with postpartum depression

Women and their series of changes never cease to amaze me. I know of women with mood swings during their periods and specific body changes after childbirth. Your body and mind undergo many changes during and after pregnancy. But there is another big issue that needs to be dealt with, and that is postpartum depression. To some, it is not a strange term, but how much do you know about this topic?

There is no doubt about it that after childbirth, countless emotions can set in. You may experience anything from joy to fear or even sadness. If this feeling of sadness increases and begins to interfere with your daily life, there is a need to worry. This is because you might be experiencing postpartum depression, and the best way to diagnose this is by visiting your doctor.

Postpartum depression describes the series of complex physical, chemical, emotional, and behavioral changes in a woman after giving birth. It is a kind of major depression that has its onset within four weeks after delivery. The chemical changes involve a rapid drop in hormones after delivery.

What are the causes of postpartum depression?

The primary cause of postpartum depression is not clear, but factors like physical changes or hormonal changes, and emotional stressors may trigger its symptoms. One of the most significant physical changes after giving birth involves hormones. The female reproductive hormones, the estrogen and progesterone level increase tenfold during pregnancy. After delivery, they drop sharply. A few days after childbirth, there is a drop-down in these hormones\’ levels to what they were before pregnancy.

According to (Schiller et al., 2014), this sudden change in hormone levels may lead to depression. This is similar to hormonal changes before a woman\’s period but involves much more extreme swings in hormone levels.

Also, there may be a drop-down in the level of thyroid hormone after childbirth. The thyroid regulates how your body uses and stores energy from food. Low levels of thyroid hormones can cause symptoms of depression. Other physical factors that may contribute to postpartum depression include:

  • Tiredness after labor and delivery
  • Tiredness from lack of sleep
  • Inadequate diet
  • Overwhelmed with a new baby
  • Drug and alcohol misuse
  • Underlying medical condition

Emotional factors also cause postpartum depression if you have had a mood disorder in the past or if mood disorder runs in your family. The emotional stressors may include social isolation, financial burdens or lack of support, recent divorce, or death of a loved one or severe health problem with the child.

Symptoms of postpartum depression

  • Sleeping difficulty
  • Excessive fatigue
  • Decreased libido
  • Frequent mood changes
  • Changes in appetite
  • Thoughts of death or suicide in extreme cases

What are the ways to deal with postpartum depression?

It is a treatable psychological disorder that can be effectively managed. Do not struggle with postpartum depression alone. Find ways to deal with it and consult your doctor if the case worsens. Listed below are steps to deal with postpartum depression (but not limited to):

  • Exercise when you can. An Australian researcher explains that exercise may have an antidepressant effect for women with postpartum depression. This can be done by walking with the baby in a stroller for a walk and breathing fresh air. Walking has proven to be a significant way of easing depression. Also, some minutes of work out during the day can be of help.
  • Maintain a healthy diet. Feeding on nutritious foods can help you feel better and provide the body with the necessary nutrients. However, healthy eating alone won\’t cure postpartum depression. Also, consuming a diet rich in omega-3 fatty acids present in oily fish like salmon during pregnancy can minimize the risk of postpartum depression.
  • Create time for yourself to rest. You don\’t necessarily have to sleep until the baby is asleep. Both your body and your spirit need a good night\’s sleep. You can have someone care for the baby after you might have fed him. Find time to sleep when your baby is satisfied with food. It is reported that women who got the least sleep experienced the most depressive symptoms. Endeavor to always reach out for help when you have plenty of house chores to attend to. You can allow your partner, mother-in-law, or a trusted partner babysit for you while you will have time for other things like going on a walk, taking a nap, going to a movie, etc.
  • Resist isolation. Always be around people you can talk to about your feelings, which can help in mood shifts. New mothers should try to speak to experienced mothers on things that are not too clear to them. Try to reach out to them for support.
  • Try psychotherapy and medication. This can be tried after other processes do not work. Your doctor may then recommend psychotherapy, which is called therapy talk or mental health counseling. It can help you discuss your concern and feelings, set manageable goals, and learn to respond positively to the situation. Also, if your depression is severe or other treatment does not improve your symptoms, antidepressants may be recommended.
  • Communicate. If you are an introvert, you may be tempted to always keep your feelings to yourself. It is usually helpful to talk things over with a trusted person. You may find out that you are not alone and that others are ready to listen to you.
  • Cut back on chores. You can always enlist family or friends\’ help if you are not up to chores and errands. Do not force yourself to do all these; just let them go. Utilize the energy you have to take care of you and the baby.
  • Skin-to-skin contact. It relaxes both you and your baby and also enhances the bond between you. Whether you breastfeed or bottle-feed, try doing so while their bare skin is against your own. The other benefits of skin-to-skin contact include prolonged sleep period and alertness, less cold stress, better brain development, improved weight gain, and decreased crying.
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Ways to teach your child to care about others who have less

I have come to realize that children are always kind-hearted. They are considerate when it comes to sharing what they have with others. This allows some of them to have more friends because of this attitude. But do you know that these children are not the same? Should we say it\’s an attitude they inherited from the parents? Absolutely, not at that age. They are still young to imitate that. But they learn as they grow.

Since children are sometimes unpredictable, you can still teach them to care for others who have less. If they have this trait already in them, teaching them can strengthen it the more. Therefore, when it comes to caring, you are your child\’s main teacher. Like several other things, caring about others who have less is a quality that children learn over time and practice.

Caring about others who have less goes a long way. The ability to understand another person\’s needs or feelings develops with time. At times, your child may try to comfort a crying playmate by offering sweets or biscuits. He or She develops this from the comfort the mother offers at her crying moment. This is, in turn, transferred to another child.

How can you teach your child to care about others who have less?

The following suggestions will assist you in teaching your child about being compassionate and goodhearted. This act of kindness can be applied at home, in the classroom, or after school program. They include:

  • Model positive action: as a mother, you are your child\’s role model, and he or she will imbibe most of what they see you doing. Let them catch you in the act of kindness because what you say or do is very critical to their development.
  • Train your child to always pay attention to people\’s facial expressions and voice tone: it is a way to understand other people\’s body language and perspectives. When we make our kids understand someone else\’s point of view, they will attend to such needs without conflicts.
  • Let your child know that how they treat others matters to you a lot: it goes a long way because they will always want to do what will make you happy. Endeavor to always reward them for such an act to encourage them to keep it up.
  • Use kind words and smiles: let your kids see you use kind words to people. It may be when you go out on a shopping; a simple \”have a nice day\” to the waitress speaks something to the child. Several of these attitudes can be done to your neighbors at home or friends at the workplace, where your kids will be aware of this act.
  • Guard against spoiling your kid: if you want to teach your kids to care about others, make sure you don\’t spoil them. Kind children are charitable, know their parent\’s capacity in meeting their needs, and do not complain even when they do not get what they want at the moment. Kids like this are patient, thankful, and have self-control.
  • Guard against bullying and cyberbullying: as a parent, you should learn about bullying and ensure to prevent and stop it at all costs. Be aware of the dangers of cyberbullying and the effects on the affected kids. You need to be vigilant about what your kid sees and read online and keep close tabs on what they are writing and sharing. Always inform them to desist from bullying in any form, and they should report if they notice one of their friends is being bullied.
  • Always be kind to your child as kindness is contagious: always try to speak sweet words to your kid and those around you even if you are tired or frustrated. Learn to discipline with love, support them when they are down, and be kind as well. If your kid can imitate your act of kindness, they set examples for other kids that can spread to their social groups. Being kind makes a child feel good. Children will feel better about themselves and their world when kindness is encouraged. This will help them grow to be a happy and loving person.
  • Show your child how to help people in need: you can always encourage your kid to contribute to charity by donating some of their outgrown toys. He or she can also help you make cookies for the less privileged homes or come with you when you visit someone in the nursing home.
  • Do not overdo it: over-praising can be a distraction. Do not encourage lavishing too much praise on your child for a fairly ordinary task. Teach them not to always expect compliments at all times and even for small accomplishments. This might get in the way of their thinking about other people\’s needs.
  • Volunteer: you can allow them to volunteer or follow you for volunteering works. When kids are exposed to other people\’s sufferings, they feel grateful for what they have. It also helps them to be proud of being able to help someone.

What are the benefits of helping your child to develop empathy for others?

When you make your kids understand what others are feeling, the impact of their actions on others and why someone might be experiencing some kind of feelings at the moment will lead to the development of a valuable skill for them. Helping them to develop this caring attitude is essential in so many ways because:

  • It promotes good mental health.
  • It promotes social harmony and reduces the likelihood of bullying.
  • It encourages tolerance and acceptance of others.
  • It builds a sense of security in children.
  • It strengthens relationships with other children.
  • It positions them for learning well.
  • It increases the overall level of happiness.
  • It increases the ability to understand others.
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How to handle criticism of your parenting from other moms

mom criticism

Whether you do good or bad, you will still be criticized. No matter your choice of raising your child, you will hear about it. Should we take criticism as a norm in this world? But the attitude your child displays at times can lead to the criticism of your parenting by other moms. Haters will always hate, no matter how careful or competent you are. When the criticism is about your parenting, it can hurt. Most times, it is best to push those comments aside and let them slide.

The way a mother cares about her child is not the same. Some can be lucky with it, while others might not. It does not depict that you are bad or incapable. No matter how you choose to care for your child, you do not need to please people around you. You do not owe anyone an explanation as long as you do what is best. The main thing is to figure out what to tune in and what to tune out.

When you sit down to examine your parenting style and ask yourself questions, it can help you distinguish between useful advice and unhelpful criticism. This will help you learn how to handle critics.

Ways to protect yourself from unwanted parenting criticism

  • Keep your complaints private. It is what you discuss that people will know about. When you go out there with your complaint, you are exposing yourself more to parenting criticism. Carefully select whom you lodge your parenting complaint to. Ensure that the person shares your parenting philosophy and seek the listening ear of a like-minded friend. Never you ask questions you don\’t want to answer.
  • Protect yourself. No matter how tasking parenting might be, it should never affect you and your child. Endeavor to seek help when needed and always set the record straight. Let people know when you need advice or support, and when you don\’t.
  • Shield your child. Protect your child from negative comments from family and friends. Please do not go to places where critics will give your child a different thought about you or himself. Ensure that you do not discuss your child\’s challenges to critics.
  • Be positive. You will be picked up on how you assess your child by friends and family. If you are negative and always complaining about your child, expect your friends to react the same way.

How do you handle your parenting criticism from other moms?

Before you are criticized, you would have been monitored severally. You might be aware or unaware of this. Whether people criticize behind your back, it will reach a point where they will say it to your face. Before you give room for this, be sure of the following:

  • Always ask yourself if you requested for advice? Before you pick up a comment that sounds like a criticism, ask yourself: Is this an unsolicited advice? Did I ask for the person\’s opinion initially? If this is true, it means you are open to critics by inviting the person to share their thoughts with you.
  • Make your need known. When you clarify your need right from the onset, you achieve what you requested. It is always sad when you ask for help and receives an unfavorable response. Ask specifically for supports rather than asking for their thoughts. Seek out people who are educated on the topic and be prepared for whatever answer you are given.
  • Know the intention of the critics. Take a moment to understand what the person meant when you receive a piece of unsolicited advice that hurts you. Ensure you know the intention of the person criticizing your parenting: Has the person been there before? Is the person speaking up because of hatred, or they genuinely care? Are they speaking respectfully and lovingly? In this case, it is better to focus on their heart rather than their advice. If you feel you can\’t let go or ignore their message, set boundaries with the adviser. Let them know that you are comfortable with your parenting method, and you do not need any further advice.
  • Ensure to read between the lines. You can misinterpret advice some times. We add meanings and sometimes over analyze what was said. Read well between the lines and never give unintended meaning. When it comes to discussing parenting style, engage in active listening. Ensure you understand what the person is conveying and ask for clarification if you are unsure. Note that electronic communication makes it easy to misinterpret someone\’s comment.
  • Ask yourself if you are defensive. Your mood or emotion when a person is conveying information to you can make you sound defensive. Consider whether it is a sensitive topic for you or a problem with the person and not the advice. At times, we might be frustrated at our child\’s behavior and feel other people are always criticizing us. This then makes every comment hurt us even when it\’s nothing. Try as much as possible to always listen without interrupting. Do not always feel like justifying your parenting choices.
  • Let them know when it hurt your feelings. Some people might not know when to back off. If their advice is affecting you and your kid, you need to let them know they have gone too far. It would be best if you spoke your mind though it might be difficult.
  • Remind them that things have changed. The advice you might receive may be outdated, and critics set in when you fail to abide by it. Inform them that what might be right to them might be the opposite for you. We live in a technology world, and things should not be done in the same way.
  • Let them know that every child is different. They have only been parents to their kids, and not yours, so their parenting methods may not work for you. A reminder of this should inform them they need to back off.
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How much sleep does a pregnant woman need?

pregnancy sleep

Sleep is vital for a pregnant woman in her first trimester or second trimester or even third trimester. Even though, as you advance in pregnancy, quality sleep can become more difficult for several reasons. In the first weeks of pregnancy, sleep can be something that comes easily because the pregnancy hormones can make you feel sleepy often, sleep long hours in the morning, and find yourself sleeping up to twelve hours. There is nothing wrong with sleeping that much; you are only pregnant. And sleeping that long is good for you and your new forming fetus in the womb.

While your body needs all the rest it can get to do all that work, remember to stand up and do some exercises and eat a healthy and good amount of food.

How much sleep do you need as a pregnant woman?

A pregnant woman needs eight to ten hours of night sleep and one to two hours of naps during the day. Even though daily career and household activities and discomfort could affect the number of hours a pregnant woman can get restful sleep. She must prioritize her sleep. Sleep deprivation has been linked to some pregnancy complications.

Why does a pregnant woman need much sleep?

A pregnant woman needs much sleep because 

  1. Sleep deprivation causes serious pregnancy complications, which are usually life-threatening to the mother and baby. Some of these complications are; 
    • Preeclampsia
    • Gestational diabetes
    • Hypertension
    • Difficult labor and delivery
  2. Poor sleep can cause a fetus\’s developmental problems, as poor sleep could cause a short supply of oxygen to the baby. This can put the baby\’s life in danger or cause a developmental setback. It has also been shown that sleep deprivation in a pregnant mother can cause behavioral alterations in the fetus.
  3. Sleep deprivation at the various stages of pregnancy can lead to antenatal and postpartum depression, anxiety, and problems with learning and memory.

What are the causes of sleep deprivation?

Pregnancy itself can be exhausting, and as you advance in pregnancy, sleep can become more difficult. Factors that can affect sleep in pregnancy are

  • Need to urinate frequently
  • Heartburn
  • Backache
  • Leg cramps
  • Nausea and vomiting
  • The heat caused by increased blood volume and pregnancy hormones.
  • Uncomfortable sleeping position.

How do you prevent sleep deprivation?

  1. Avoid or reduce stress. Stress cannot only cause you loss of quality sleep, but it also is not healthy for you and the baby. Stress could cause an increase in blood pressure.
  2. Avoid acidic or gaseous food and food that can cause you heartburn and acid reflux and upset your stomach, causing you discomfort and inability to sleep.
  3. Get a good quality massage. Massage is good for you. Massage will relax your nerves and muscles, help with backaches and waist aches, and give you a good sleep. You can get professional masus, visit a spa to get a massage or ask your significant other to massage your body with oils used for that purpose.
  4. Get pillows to support your back, pregnancy bump, place in between your legs, and support your head to have an enjoyable sleep.
  5. Air conditioner, air cooler, or rechargeable standing fan will help take care of the matter of heat. As much as possible, let your living space have cross ventilation. Consider this when choosing an apartment.
  6. Visit the doctor if you have terrible nausea and vomiting, and you see that you can hardly keep anything in your stomach. If your nausea can be helped by chewing gum, then always keep gum close by. Avoid things that trigger your nausea as much as possible. Avoid taking black tea, green tea, and coffee in your first trimester. These options might help nausea and vomiting but endanger the fetus and cause an abortion.
  7. Choose sleep positions healthy for the pregnancy. 

For best sleep positions during pregnancy, check our published article on that to get more information.  

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Creative Kids Birthday Party Ideas for Moms

kids birthday

We all know that a party comprises of people, colorful decorations, and yummies to feed on. Kid parties, especially birthdays, can be more elaborate in setting up. A lot of things need to be put in place to achieve an eventful party for kids.

Kids\’ birthday party needs to be creative to make it interesting for them. You need to transform the event venue into a playful and fantasy world. Kids love to have fun at parties, and parents ensure that they go extra miles to grant this need. They even rent bouncing horses or ponies.

Whether you are broke or not, a kid will not understand. All they know and want is to have fun at its fullest at a party. As a mother, it is left for you to know how to plan. How then can you design a creative birthday party for your kid without breaking the bank?

Factors to consider when planning kids birthday party 

The main target of every party is to have fun. You must also bear in mind that cost is a necessity, and that is what you need to work on. You won\’t want to plan a birthday party and end up spending all your savings and, in the end, going broke. You need to stay calm and survey things to put in order creatively. What are those things to be considered?

  1. Have a budget. It is the most important of all. Once you can figure out the exact amount to spend on your kid\’s birthday party, you will work towards it. You can decide how much to spend on decorations, food, drinks, and the rest. This will allow you to minimize spending and cut off unnecessary expenses. No matter your budget, you can still have a fun birthday party for your kid. It will now depend on your creativity towards the planning process.
  2. Be very careful when selecting the birthday theme. You don\’t need to go overboard on this. Remember that the kind of theme you choose will contribute to the cost of the party. Kids are not too bothered about details for now. Once the party is colorful with several toys, all they care about is to have fun with their friends. The theme doesn\’t need to be included in the decorations if it will cost you more. It can be included in the cakes or invitations you send, which is very OK. If you want a specific theme decoration, you can create one yourself. You can come up with something, be it a specific or funny belt or hat which all the kids will wear. They will surely enjoy themselves and noticing that they all have something in common. They will make fun out of that.
  3. Serve junks and not meal. It will depend on the time the birthday party is fixed. If it\’s in the evening, people won\’t expect food. But if it\’s in the early afternoon, they will expect food. When you don\’t serve meals, you reduce cost and cleaning stress. You can make drinks, sweets, chocolates, biscuits, or snacks available instead. It will save you a lot of expenses.
  4. Reduce the guest\’s number. Too many guests equal to more expenses. But that might not be the case in most kids\’ birthday parties. There are times that when you invite more guests, your kids will have more gifts to receive. But you cannot predict or be too sure about this. The saving grace is to limit your guests\’ number. This will allow you to plan well for those that are coming and save some cash. Be it house party or outside your homes like the cinema, parks, or beach, reduced guests enable you to monitor and cater well for those present adequately.
  5. Be creative. You can choose to do a lot yourself. Like the cakes, decorations, or refreshments, you can do it yourself instead of buying all. It will enable you to come up with your desire designs. You can learn how to dress like a clown, make the decorations, or make animal balloons. A kid does not need a professional to entertain him or her. So far you can act silly and funny, you are good to go.

Some of the creative birthday party ideas for your kids

You don\’t need to look for something expensive to achieve this. No matter the birthday venue you choose, just come up with something fun and exciting. Some of them include:

  • Specially made party hats. You can design hats that mimic a particular theme for the kids at the birthday party. The color might be the same or different but all colorful.
  • Kid\’s special dance. You can place music for all the kids to dance. The best dancer is selected and rewarded. Also, you can tell them to dance around some set of chairs while the music keeps playing. They all sit at the stop of the music. The person who remains standing is kicked out of the game. You keep repeating that while reducing the chair number until only a kid is left seated.
  • Special cake. You can design the birthday cake that mimics your kid\’s favorite color or animal. Cake cutting moment is another exciting time for kids.
  • Bubbles blowing. You can blow the bubbles while the kids run after it for a catch. Allow them to blow the bubbles themselves too, while some runs after it to catch.
  • Presence of teddy bears or stuffed animals. You can inform other kids to bring their favorite teddy bears or stuffed animals along while coming to the party. The display of different teddy bears and stuffed animals will spice up the party.
  • Face painting party. You can provide several face painting colors at a corner during the party. Interested kids will have their faces painted to mimic a cartoon of their choice by themselves or an adult.
  • Jungle theme. You can provide animal face masks for the kids at the party. You can also inform them to dress in their favorite animal character costume. You can then create a mini zoo and have various animal shapes of biscuits.
  • Magic show. You can invite a clown to organize a show for the kids.
  • Balloon bursting. You can put candies inside the balloons and hang around the house. Then you ask kids to pick them up and blow. Once it burst, they get to take the candies inside.
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Milestone and Motor Activities to Teach Your Baby

motor development

There is no one way to teaching babies things they need to know as they develop. It is usually a two-way street. None is right, and none is wrong. Mothers learn alongside with their babies as they grow. But because no two children can be the same, you can\’t learn from one and apply it to another. Children are all different in diverse ways. And because a child is good at an activity does not mean another child will do likewise. You need to observe and know your child\’s strength or ability before you teach anything.

In the process of teaching a child, it might look like you\’re punishing the child. Without careful observation, you will only think you are helping the baby. But in this case, the reverse is the case. The age, alongside the baby\’s capacity, is a necessary factor to consider in each milestone and motor activities you teach your baby.

What is a milestone?

The word milestone should not be misinterpreted for another thing, although it can be interpreted based on your understanding. A milestone is simply a landmark. It is an important event(s) in a person\’s life. In other words, milestones are the behavioral checkpoints in children\’s development regarding age. All children strive to reach a particular milestone as they grow. Milestone is classified into motor development, language development, and emotional or social development.

The language development will include making of coo sounds or other sounds and laughing. The emotional or social skills include smiling at familiar faces and playing with friends around. As your child grows, they might be moving legs and arms away from their bed when they are excited. Some might even bring the hand to the mouth or move the fist from closed to open. All these and several other movements are motor activities your child learns as they grow. They focus more on the use of the muscles of the legs, trunk, and arms.

Different milestones and motor activities exist at different ages. There are some that your baby develops naturally. There are some that you will need to teach your baby. Take, for instance, by six weeks; most babies can lift their heads while lying on their tummy. And at three months, with the use of arms as support, most babies can lift their chest. While at four to five months, some babies can roll over from the back to the stomach. Remember that this timing varies in babies.

Some of the motor milestones usually expected in babies include crawling, sitting up with no support, standing with assistance, walking with help. It will get to a point when there will no longer be a need for assistance while standing and walking.

Motor activities to teach your baby

Motor activities in babies often lead to motor development in them. Motor development is physical growth, muscle, and bone strength in babies. Your baby can touch things and move in the surroundings. They are usually of two types, the fine and gross motor.

The fine motor activities are the small movements in the hands, wrists, fingers, fists, toes, tongue, and lips. The gross motor activities occur in the muscles, and it assists babies in holding up their heads, sitting up and crawling, walking, running, and eventually skipping. Motor activities occur gradually. It begins from the inner body like the head, neck, arm, and legs. It then extends to the outer body like the hands, feet, fingers, and toes. It is a necessary development throughout a child\’s life. It is a physical development that leads to various body developments.

There are some activities that parents can engage their babies to enable them to develop fine motor skills. These include:

  1. Place your baby on the tummy while you help him or her reach for a toy
  2. When your baby begins to stand, you can place a toy on the couch and allow your baby to stretch out to reach for it
  3. Visit the playground where your baby can climb, run, swing and slide
  4. Allow your baby to walk with a stroller that he or she can push

What are the activities that will help your baby to reach a milestone?

As a child reaches a milestone, there are a lot of motor activities they need to learn. In babies, walking is one of the developmental milestones observed. They often stumble, fall, take awkward steps, and get up most times they see themselves on the ground.

Also, they need to develop hand and finger strength needed to write, the ability to write and form sentences, climb and use the stairs, listen to sounds, adapt to taste and sensation, and lots more. How then can you help your baby reach these milestones and develop motor activities?

They include:

  1. Warm and cuddly activities for age zero to six months. At this stage of growth, babies liked to be touched, tickled, and cuddled. While you get their diapers changed, please give them a quick message to enable them to have a fun diaper time. It will aid in sensory and communication development. At this moment, you can sing a song or play music. You can also tickle her toes while you give a warm smile.
  2. Food play and sensory activities for babies age six to twelve months. When your baby makes a mess while eating, it enables them to adapt to new sensations. Allow them to get food on their face and hands as it provides a sensory experience. Let food get all over their body and do not wipe them immediately. Encourage food of different textures and tastes for your curious baby. Also, allow them to smell goods and touch them.
  3. Exploring activities for ages twelve to eighteen months. At this stage, your baby can move around the environment and explore everything in there. If your baby walks up to you while cooking, allow them to sniff the aroma as it will enable them to develop a sense of smell. Also, while they explore the house, they can smell anything they come across. At this juncture, you need to be careful with things you put within their reach.
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Baby Cues and What They Mean

Baby cues and signs

Only a mother best understands her child. A child speaks in an unclear language that hardly anyone understands. It is the mother, the best friend that can interpret such an unknown language. No wonder they say life does not come with a manual; it comes with a mother. She is the solution provider for a child\’s needs. There is usually no substitute for her.

As a baby grows, he or she makes several signs that meant different things. Take, for instance, when a baby is crying, it\’s either the child is hungry or needs a diaper change. All these are baby\’s cues. They are several ways a child communicates his or her needs. Not everyone understands these cues, but a mother does.

There are different baby cues and the way they interact differs from one another. But with time, you get to understand what those interactions mean. As the child continues to grow, the cues become clearer by doing a lot of baby watching.

What is the importance of understanding a baby cue?

When you understand your baby\’s signals, you are helping you and the baby. Caring for your baby\’s needs becomes more comfortable. The benefits of understanding a baby\’s cue cannot be overemphasized. They include (but not limited to):

1. It helps your baby to develop a sense of trust in her ability as regarding influence on the environment.

2. A secure bond will be formed between mother and child.

3. Baby cues are essential prerequisites to relationships and emotional development.

4. When you understand and respond to your baby\’s cue, you teach him or her emotional regulation. It enables them to realize that they have control over their emotions. Take, for instance, when your baby is crying, and you soothe her, she tends to calm down (emotion regulation).

Read Also: How to help your baby burp

How do you interact with your baby when she makes specific cues?

Once you have learned to read and understand your baby\’s cue, you will be better able to respond to their needs. When your baby makes cue, how do you interact?

  1. Hold her hand
  2. Feed her
  3. Change her diaper
  4. Give her a bath
  5. Talk or sing a song for her
  6. Gently place your hand on her tummy while you allow her to grab your finger

Types of baby cues

  1. I am hungry. A baby suddenly doesn\’t end up crying when they are hungry. They give signs like sucking on their fists, making sucking sounds with their mouths, making little noises, etc. All these subtle cues show that they are ready to feed. Once these cues are ignored, they end up crying, which is a late hunger cue.
  2. Could you play with me? When your baby\’s eyes are bright and wide, they show they are ready to play. A baby sleeps a lot, and because of that, they have little time to play. As they grow older, they have more time to play, and their signals become more explicit. Your child may also turn towards you at the sound of your voice or look at your face. She then begins to move the arms and legs ready for play. She might also grab hold of your finger or even pause her small lips as if she\’s communicating. If you respond to her, she will smile, babble, and make eye contact. All these cues show that your baby needs you to play with her.
  3. I need a break. A baby gives a clear disengaging signal that she\’s tired or needs a stop from the activity ongoing. When your baby looks away or turns head towards another side, kicks or squirms, coughs, spits up, or aches back, she shows that she needs a break. All these are stop signals. Other tiring, break, or a change in activity includes yawning, wrinkling of the forehead, frowning, or hiccups. Your baby may start to cry, fuss, or make thrashing movements when trying to tell you to stop playing, but you insisted.
  4. I want to sleep, or I am sleepy. We all like sleep, and we don\’t like to be disturbed when we are craving for rest. By the time your baby starts showing sleepy signs like yawning, keeping quiet, fussing, rubbing eyes and ears, clenching fists into tight balls, frowning, becoming still, and knotting of eyebrows, making of jerky movements, lost of interest in toys and people, etc. Gently put your baby to bed rather than waiting for her to sleep off completely. Once you observe these signs and abide by it, your baby will sleep comfortably without stressing yourself. If you missed these cues, your baby might become grumpy or excited and find it difficult to settle.
  5. I am warm, cold, or needs to be carried. When your baby is crying and fussing, they might probably be warm or cold. You need to check their temperature to see if you need to change their dress or wear another one to it. Because babies can\’t regulate their body temperature, they need to be worn double clothes than you. That does not mean you should overheat them. Always check their temperature and ensure it is fit for that moment. At times, they might be the only one left in the room and no one around them; they start crying. They need people around, and carrying them at that moment will be super dope for them.
  6. I am full. When your baby no longer shows interest in the food, spit out food, push the feeding bottle away, removes mouth from sucking your breast, closes mouth, turns head away, or eats slowly. All these show that your baby is full, and you need to stop feeding at this point.
  7. I am distressed. If you noticed that your baby is frowning, making jerky movements, making sounds, or turning red on the face, it might mean your baby is distressed. You will need to comfort and attend to her needs to know what she wants.

Read Also: Ways to put your baby to sleep quickly

All these signs differ in babies. As you play and nurse your baby, you will begin to observe these cues and understand what each means. All you need do is to take your time to study the diverse ways your baby communicates. By the time you spend more time watching and being present around your baby, you will become used to these baby cues and understand what they mean. In return, you will be able to respond in ways that best suit your baby.

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When to start disciplining kids

mom angry

You start disciplining your child right from when he can differentiate the left hand from the right side. It begins at an early age. A child picks up quickly, and discipline needs to be imbibed as early as possible. It would help if you disciplined your child the best way so that they will not depart from it when they get old.

As your child grows, the memory improves, and they become receptive to new learning. When you introduce discipline at an early age, you start to teach right or wrong behavior. And because a child is more responsive to learning fast, they quickly imbibe those traits.

When you discipline your child, you help them learn what behavior is right and acceptable. The sooner you begin discipline and raising good kids, the better. Discipline is all about guiding and teaching your child, not punishment or anger.

When should parents start to discipline their kids?

For infants, discipline is of no use because all they know during that moment is eating, crying, and sleeping. They are too young to understand and be given any instructions. They only require consistent love, care, and attention from their parents during this stage.

Knowing when to start disciplining your kids in the early years is one of the most effective and powerful keys in raising a well behaved and a great child. You need not wait until your child can adequately talk before you instill discipline. Once the child can crawl, touch objects within reach, and interact with the environment, discipline should start.

Also, regardless of the circumstances, a child between 15-18 months should not be punished at all. Any form of physical punishment like hitting, beating, or shaking of an infant can cause severe neurological damage. The brain may be slammed against the skull in this process and cause serious injury to the baby.

During breastfeeding times, you observe that your baby gives you a sharp bite. At this moment, you spank the child to let him aware that a wrong has been committed. If you do not do anything at that point, it will continue and become a regular feeding habit for the baby. During this period, the baby has grown to a certain extent and can listen to corrections.

Also, the kind of discipline to instill will depend on the child\’s age. Setting limits to good and bad behavior can start when your child is still a baby. There are several things babies need to learn not to do as they grow, such as pulling your hair, clothes, or biting your nipples while sucking.

You teach them mostly on damage prevention and control rather than showing the actual lesson. Even as a baby, the child is still not capable of willful rebellion. What we consider as troublesome in the child is just a means of exploring his or her desires. The parent\’s primary responsibility at this stage will be to ensure the child\’s safety. This will means setting boundaries within the home as to where the kid can go and what can be within the hand reach for touching.

By the time the child is going to two years, the need for proper discipline can start. At this stage, they can understand what you\’re instructing them to do and not do. Failure to abide by your instructions can lead to punishments. Ensure that the kind of discipline you adopt does not harm the child or makes the child become violent but instead produce a healthy and confident child.

Types of child discipline

To determine the best discipline for you and your baby, you need to understand temperaments well. There are several types of training to inculcate into a child. They include:

  • Positive discipline. Instead of focusing on punishment, it focuses on praise and encouragement instead. A lot of teaching is done regarding discipline here. More of the work is done by the parents here. It uses more of family meetings where the authoritative approach is used in solving behavioral problems. The parents use problem-solving skills by assisting their child in proferring solutions to problems. For instance, if your child refuses to do his or her homework, you use positive discipline to sit the child down and see reasons while the homework needs to be done. You can encourage the kid in several ways and buy things for the child when he completes the tasks.
  • Gentle discipline. It focuses on problem prevention. The parents gently address the child\’s misconduct while putting their emotions in control. They tend to be calm while correcting misbehavior. The consequences of the child\’s behavior are stated and redirected towards going to the wrong directions.
  • Boundary based discipline. The parents set clear rules which the child must adhere to and limits at which they can go. The kids are given options to choose from, and there are clear consequences for misbehavior. You can instill rules on certain activities or the use of certain toys until they accomplish certain things.
  • Behavior modification. A reward is usually set in place if the child listens to the instructions given or gets work done. It focuses on positive and negative consequences. Excellent or positive behavior will be compensated with rewards or praise. Misbehavior or negative effects are discouraged and ignored, leading to a loss of privileges.
  • Emotion coaching. It teaches kids about feelings for themselves and others around them. The kids are made to understand that feelings are normal and that parents help them know how they can verbalize them rather than act on it. Teach them the appropriate way to handle their emotions.

Benefits of disciplining your baby

Discipline ensures that a kid acquires the needed skills to become a responsible adult. Discipline provides many benefits to a kid which includes (but not limited to):

  1. It helps kid manage anxiety
  2. It teaches kids to make the right choice
  3. It helps kid manage their emotions
  4. It keeps a child-safe
  5. It enables a kid to set and achieve goals
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Ways to put your baby to sleep quickly

One thing I have known about babies is their sleeping habits. They eat and sleep, nothing more. A baby sleeps around the clock because they can\’t differentiate day from night. Once their hunger is satisfied, the next thing is sleep. They often stay awake when there is a need, and once they are met, they are back to sleep. Due to their small stomach, they tend to feed often.

Each baby has a different sleeping pattern. Some may sleep more during the day while some are goodnight sleepers, but all are still normal. When a baby refuses to sleep, the mother becomes worried. Apart from the mother having sleepless nights, a way of putting the baby to sleep quickly must be proffered.

How should babies sleep? 

A baby is a fragile being, and you must adhere to all necessary precautions to always protect them. Even before the child is born, we have already prepared a particular room. But at this tender age, a baby should not be left alone to sleep in a separate room.

The mother can share a room with the baby but not a bed where she can adequately monitor and access the baby. This helps with night feeding, comforting, monitoring, and helps to keep the baby nearby. Putting the baby to sleep in bed with you is not too safe. It increases the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) as well as other sleep-related death. Therefore, room sharing is considered more reliable.

The following are ways by which a baby can sleep safely:

1. Place the baby to sleep on the back and not on the stomach or side to sleep. It is a recommendation by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) to reduce Sudden Infants Death Syndrome (SIDS).

2. Always place the baby on a firm sleep surface and well covered. Arrange the crib in a way that provides comfort and meets the current safety standards.

3. You can use small pillows as side support in the crib if needed. If this disturbs the child\’s sleep, do not put anything in the crib, be it pillows or blanket.

4. Avoid overheating. Monitor the room temperature where the baby sleeps. It shouldn\’t be too hot and deprive the baby of sleep. Also, dress the baby for the room temperature. The baby should not be too hot or cold.

5. Endeavor to keep your baby away from smoke. It can increase the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).

6. Use a pacifier to put the baby to sleep. Some babies do not like it, and it should not be forced. If the pacifier falls while the baby is asleep, do not bother replacing it.

Ways to put your baby to sleep quickly 

Since babies can\’t differentiate between day and night, they can sleep all through. Most times, it is food or wet diaper that wakes them up. Your baby can sleep from 10 to 18 hours a day, usually 3 to 4 hours at a time. They do not have a regular sleep cycle until they are about six months. Some babies sleep too well during the day, and they find it difficult to remain asleep at night.

In the process of being awake, they keep the mother awake too. But this usually proves difficult for the mother. She needs her sleep, as well. Plenty of sleepless nights can be dangerous to both mother and child. What then will she do to put the baby to sleep so that she can also sleep?

1. Set a routine. You should establish a bedtime routine and be consistent with it. When you do the same activities at the same time daily, the baby adapts to it. When you follow a regular bedtime routine, your baby will sleep better and cry less often in the middle of the night. All activities should be calm and peaceful, especially towards the end of the routine. Endeavor to bathe your baby before bedtime as it keeps them calm. A child\’s favorite activity should be the last thing you will do in the bedroom.

2. Put your baby to sleep, and do not rely on soothing. The sleeping condition you allow your child to get used to will be adopted. In most cases, it might be challenging to change. When your baby is tired and on the verge of sleeping, put the baby down carefully and allow her to sleep by herself. This will let the baby soothe himself or herself to sleep all alone. This will give the baby familiarity with the sleeping surrounding. Therefore, you won\’t need to rock or cuddle the baby to sleep even when not asleep. Do not wait until your baby is fully asleep in your arms before you lay her in bed. It may later in life become a sleep habit addiction, which might be challenging to change. Allow your baby to self-soothe and fall asleep by herself. It is usually one of the goals of parenting.

3. Always allow your baby to sleep on his or her back on a flat or firm surface. It helps in the prevention of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). With time and age, the baby will begin to sleep on the tummy.

4. You can soothe your baby but not to sleep. In most cases, you might need to soothe your baby to allow him or her drowsy. Once your baby is in this condition, gradually put your baby down. Soothing enable a baby to be relaxed and sleepy. There are different soothing patterns for a kid. A mother should know which one works best for her child. Once this is established, soothing your baby won\’t be a difficult thing.

5. Watch out for drowsy but awake. Put your baby gently in the crib while being drowsy but awake. You can then leave the room and allow her to sleep off completely. If your baby starts crying, wait for a few minutes before your check-up. The cry might be for a moment, but if persistent, try to console her. Put her back to sleep but do not carry her up. She might need to see your face, and that\’s all. She only wants to be sure you\’re close by her. Sleeping at that point is a sure thing for the baby.

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Different stages of motherhood and what to expect

The transformation to motherhood and its expectations are another learning process entirely. Life itself is full of learning, and learning is a continuous process. As you are aware, a lot of responsibilities characterize motherhood. Several stages transform into motherhood.

Motherhood is another stage of metamorphosis in a female. It involves giving birth to and raising a child. It is a unique time of your life that differentiates you from being a girl and a mother. To most women, motherhood means different things. In all the several meanings, it boils down to love, care, comfort, interests, and many more showered upon their kids.

What are the benefits of motherhood?

A lot of benefits come with motherhood, although it has its fair share of struggles. The positive side outweighs the negative side. Some of the benefits of motherhood include (but not limited to):

  1. It reduces cancer risks. The fact that your womb has produced a child plus the fact that you breastfeed reduces your chance of developing cancer. Breastfeeding lowers the risk of getting breast cancer by altering the cells in the breast. Thus, making it more resistant to disease. Also, a mother has a lower chance of developing ovarian cancer. Having kids reduces your likelihood of womb cancer by more than a third. The number of kids you have further reduces your chance of developing ovarian cancer.
  2. Better memory. While many changes are associated with pregnancy, the benefits of giving birth cannot be overemphasized. Studies revealed that giving birth increases the grey matter in the brain.
  3. Longer life expectancy. Women who became mothers at an early age (25 years) have a higher chance of living up to ninety years on planet earth.
  4. Increased productivity at work. The fact that mothers can multitask makes them more productive at work than their child-free colleagues. Despite being the most stressed, they still end up doing well at work. Working mothers are more productive in the office. This productivity tends to increase as your kids grow older.
  5. It reduces the risk of diabetes in breastfeeding mothers. Research shows that mother that breastfeed for six months or less can reduce their chance of developing type 2 diabetes. It is assumed that the hormone involved in lactation has a direct influence on the cells that affect the insulin level.

What are the stages of motherhood? 

  • The waiting stage. It is time you can\’t wait to get pregnant—the stage when several pregnancy thoughts filled your mind. Here, you imagined what kind of mom you will be for your kids. How well you will take care of your kids by giving them your best. During this time, you are preparing and reading all sorts of parenting books that will effectively foster your motherhood.
  • The positive stage.  A pregnancy confirmation stage. You might still feel you are dreaming at this stage. When you observe that the baby kicks, then you know that reality finally hits you.
  • The miracle. It is the end of the nine-month waiting period—the stage where you finally meet the baby of your dreams and prayers. Here, you now believe that nine months is worth the waiting. It worth all you have gone through during the waiting period—the stage where you conclude that you will always be there for this beautiful baby.
  • The new mom. This stage can be exhausting. You have a lot to attend to, and most times you are stressed out. You feel that the baby needs you often even when you try to close your eyes. You still have time to love your little angle despite just adjusting to delivery aches and having a lot at hand. The baby makes you complete even with the feeding, smiles, cuddles, and the sound they make.
  • The fun, mom. It is the excitement stage. The moment your baby learns to roll over, crawl, walk, run, and even talk, you become happier. I am sure you are pretty excited the first time you heard your child call you, mom? The reality that you are now a mother hits you officially. Your baby sees you as a superhero that can do anything.
  • The progress stage. The stage at which mothers wish that time can slow down. The stage at which their baby is no longer a baby but a grown-up. Here, he or she enters kindergarten or elementary school, and they are gone all day. Here, you miss your kid. But education is essential for progress, so they tend to adapt.
  • The friendly mom stage. It is the teen age at which your child needs you most. They see you as their friend here. They trust you and talk to you about several things. You also help them out with their homework, buy them beautiful clothing, and pray that they find a good friend. You understand here that they need more of you by giving them a listening ear and making them smile at all times.
  • The fast forward stage. At this point, you wish time can speed up. Your child is at the teenage of their lives. You know what is best for them, but they still struggle with you. They start having friends, both boys, and girlfriends. They start making up, dating and driving, but you guide them to making the right decisions.
  • The hopeful mom stage. It is a promising stage where your kid is well grown. Your child is now at college and now living alone. All you could wish for them is the best in making the right decisions. At this stage, your child is eager to leave the house and rent an apartment. Once they are gone, they start missing everything about you, including the meals you make for them. They can\’t wait to see you. They often call to seek advice on issues at hand because they realized that they need their mom.
  • The stage of being the mother of the bride or groom. It is the moment of happy tears where the child finally leaves home and start a family of their own. It is the stage at which your child finds a life partner, but your role as a mother cannot be replaced. When you see your child in a beautiful gown or handsome tux, you are filled with joy.
  • The promotion to grandma. At this stage, you have achieved a lot, and your little kid of that time is now a mother. You realized how time flies and how fulfilled you are in becoming a grandmother.
  • The feeling of completion and eternal role. You sit down and meditate on all you\’ve been able to achieve during your motherhood. At this stage, you show gratitude for the opportunity you had being a mother. Here, you know you have done best and leaving a legacy behind. Even after death, the role of a mother continues. A mother forever plays a notable role in our lives.
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